Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
