i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
