one might say we're banned from that church
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I FOUND THE LEGS
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
