I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
