sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
