I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
