So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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