i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
