i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
