EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
