my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just pee around me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
