Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
