I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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