It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
