1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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