just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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