I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
