So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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