Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
