Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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