and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm really busy with my period
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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