pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
