the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
