why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
