We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
