Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
