I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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