awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
