how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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