I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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