We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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