So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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