i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
