She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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