I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
