Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
