He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
