I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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