I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
