So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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