btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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