No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
