Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
