you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
