Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
