am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
