Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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