Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
