i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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