Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
