Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
