not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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