Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
