I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
