I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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