Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
