All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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