so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
