i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
