A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish you could order shots online.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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