like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
