people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
