yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
