Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
