How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
