I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
