I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
