At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
